Discovering my inner critic

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

There was a time, not too long ago when I believed I didn’t have an “inner critic”.

When people talked about the negative thoughts that lived inside their head and told them they’re no good, they can’t do anything well, they don’t deserve better.

I really believed I didn’t have that.

Then one day I heard her. And realised I believed and listened to my inner critic so often, it was main voice I heard.

There was no voice telling me I deserved better. No voice telling me I could, and I should. No voice telling me that my dreams are possible and to reach high.

There was something inside me, not a voice but perhaps a gut feeling. Pushing me forward, driving my career and my aspirations. But I didn’t truly believe I was capable of a great life; the

life I really wanted but was too scared to dream about belonged to other people.

It’s been a process of hearing that inner critic, of naming her, giving her shape and life in my mind. And most importantly thanking her. She was just trying to keep me safe. But she doesn’t serve me anymore and I probably let her loose with the controls for too long.

Now, I’m learning to live a life that makes my inner critic terrified. But I’m pushing forward regardless. It’s becoming something of a game, or a challenge. Dig a little deeper everyday, realise what I truly want and go get it.

I realised recently I want to be a writer. But have told myself for most of my life I’m not good enough. So, here I am, writing. And only time will tell me who was right.